The Official Aldorlea Games Forum

by **VanEinstein** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 2:55 am

As I've played the Aldorlea titles, one thing has steadily weighed upon my mind. There are a number of problems within the writing/dialogue of the games. To cite an example from Millennium, there is line of dialogue that comes from Karine as she reaches to take the black flame. "I cannot feel any hurt as I approach my hand". Any native English speaker will tell you that this line is poorly written. In the case that Indinera is NOT a native speaker of English this could easily be forgiven, but for the fact that these games are sold for a premium, and as such the writing should be subject to the same level of quality control as the rest of the game. This begs the question(s):

How much proof reading do these titles actually recieve, and do some titles recieve more attention than others? If so, then why?

Without a doubt the fan base continues to grow steadily with the release of each new title, and so if there were any dire for additional proof reading, I doubt there would be no shortage of qualified individuals to take up the torch for little or NO compensation. Never underestimate the eagerness of a fan of Aldorlea titles, or indy games in general, to lend a helping hand when it will enhance their enjoyment of the final product.

Just to be clear, I'm aware that some titles do recieve updates to their writing as newer versions are released. I can clearly remember this happening with Laxius Force. A previously released build of the game had trouble immediately during the conversation between Djarma and Kratin, but you'll find no such problem in the most recent build. I'd like to cite a few examples from within that conversation:
1)
Version 1.1:
Djarma: Undead, are you sure the two of us only is needed to explore this place?
Kratin: I had your agreement.
Djarma: Yes, I did agree. And I *still* agree. However, I've explored a lot of pyramids lately. And I seldom do this kind of mission alone.

Most recent version:
Djarma: Undead, are you sure the two of us will be able to safely explore this place?
Kratin: You agreed to come.
Djarma: Yes, I did. I'm just saying... I've explored a lot of pyramids lately, and I seldom do this kind of mission alone.

Do you see how all 3 lines were changed? It sounded much too awkward the way they were first written, and as such recieved an appropriate change. This kind of thing continues.

2)
Version 1.1:
Djarma: Why are you even so little trained? Is this your first mission or what?
Kratin: I do not enter this kind of explanations usually.

Most recent version:
Djarma: You seem very poorly trained. Is this your first mission or what?
Kratin: It is very hard for me to explain... Be confident in my abilties. I know what I'm doing.

Again, I see some nice changes. Other notable changes are things like dropping an 's' off the end of words that are not meant to be plural. I just wanted to take the time and put the recognition out there for the person responsible for proof reading the writing so that sufficient updates to it could be implemented as time went by. Going back to Millennium though, I havent seen the same level of attention paid to it by version 1.5 (presently the most recent version if I'm not mistaken).

Just to sum things up, the point of this topic is to point out some mistakes I see being made, and to find out what is, or is not, being done about them between titles, and what (if anything) can be done about it. Secondary to that, I want to thank Indinera and/or his associate(s) for taking the time to proof read that which has recieved it, and ask that they take the same amount of time doing so on current titles in need of it, and with future titles. Since these games are selling at a premium, they should be recieving the same amount of professional attention as anything that goes retail in our stores.

by **Indinera** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:44 am

We are constantly improving our methods of proofreading.

Theorically it should show on Dreamscape, if you've had the chance to play it.

LF is harder to proofread because of the bigger quantity of text. +::O_o

by **VanEinstein** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:36 pm

I'm glad you had the opportunity to read and reply. It's also good to hear that you're always improving your methods. As it happens, I have played a small portion of Dreamscape so far, and you're right. So far, I havent come across any oddly worded sentences or grammatical errors. You've done a good job, there. You have my gratitude

by **Indinera** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:46 pm

Thanks!
I wasn't alone in this job. You have to thank Eri too. +::Thumbup

by **eridani** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:52 pm

Damien I know for a fact that I changed that sentance about the flame quoted - absolutely 100% certain. If that is still in the current verison you need to check if the correct proof read file is there because I know I changed that without any doubt.

by **eridani** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:03 pm

I have my copy still, I changed it to:

I do not feel any pain as I move my hand closer.

by **Indinera** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:13 pm

There is no way I can control what happens in such a big amount of text.

by **Indinera** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:15 pm

Oh, at a time there was a glitch with the common event translations, it could be that.
Still, common events do not weight a lot in the overall quantity of texts.

by **eridani** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:16 pm

Damien, from this and from previous comments I do not believe my proof read copy is what is in Millennium though. This sentance was changed, there have been other comments on it that I didn't understand - this certainly would be the explanation, no?

We still are working on further enhancing proof reads btw (to original poster) so we believe you will see continous improvement!

by **Indinera** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:17 pm

You would need to play the games to know.
I know for sure I put the right document.

by **eridani** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:21 pm

Well I know for sure that that line was as I typed in my copy of the document - I have it open in front of me.

I don't have time to play as you know but if anyone else gives example of a bad sentance I can check what my copy says. The above line was corrected.

by **VanEinstein** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 6:17 pm

It's quite possible that your correction made it into the most recent version. I pulled that line from v1.4, as I've not yet had a chance to play completely through the latest version. (I've been enjoying Dreamscape)
It's wonderful to see that you're on top of this, though. My hat's off to you, Eri.

by **VanEinstein** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:41 am

Btw, I thought I'd just add this as an aside. As I said before, Dreamscape has been error free for the most part (dialogue-wise), but I *have* found a few small bits that need help so far. I'm sure you've still got Eri working on it though for future updated versions of the game. I wanted to make you aware though, in case something might have slipped by. I'm referring to some of the dialogue with the sheep in Athenas Dream, and during the first encounter with Peeboo, the mouse.

by **eridani** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:22 am

We always look to keep correcting it for future versions so if you notice anything please pm one of us and it can be corrected

From the next game it is planned to allow a second level of checking before release which could manage to catch many of the things still sneaking through that are easy to miss on one layer of checking.

by **VanEinstein** » Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:51 am

That'd be a great thing to have. If once around catches a bunch, twice around is twice as good.

I'll keep an eye out as I go along. I'm also playing Millennium 2 alongside it (I seem to have so much free time on my hands), so I'll be keeping an eye on that, as well. Which version is that up to now? I've got v1, and I'm not aware of any updates on that, so if thats the case, I'm sure it could be of some help if I kept a log of what I spot while I'm going through that.